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Waisting Away

This week we are hitting a few mile markers. Well, perhaps that is a bit of an overstatement, as they are not all that significant, but noteworthy none the less. I already mentioned the potty training success. But even better than that, I wore my pre-pregnancy jeans today.

Yes, it is true. Call me shallow, but this is a significant day. You’ll never know the depth of your own vanity until those things about your physical self you took for granted are gone. Like a waistline. Yup, two pregnancies, two c-sections- things just don’t quite go back the way they did before you decided it was actually a good idea to have babies. Let me be clear here: Nothing about your physical appearance is more important than the beautiful little people your body worked so hard to grow for 9 months to give them life. I was actually the most comfortably content with my own body during each of my pregnancies. Take the stretch marks, the excess tire tummy, the slightly larger feet with a grain of salt- they are all signs that your body accomplished what it was intended to do.

Doesn’t mean there isn’t just a hint of gloating, though, when you regain a bit of the body image you once had. Some women are lucky to bounce back right away. I am lucky enough to be able to feel selfish elation because, yes, eventually and oh so slowly, I am feeling myself regain my body that makes me feel like, well, me. It took me a whole year after having Araiya to finally start to feel like my old self again. I think the hardest part of childbearing is the burden of your body not being entirely your own. Even after Araiya came into the world, the demands of nurturing an infant perpetuated those feelings of always being attached and weighed down by another person that I thought would go away after delivery. Beyond the physical recovery from the surgery and pregnancy itself, looming feelings still remained through nursing, night parenting, holding, rocking, entertaining, and having someone completely dependent on you physically and emotionally. Raising kids is selfless, probably the most selfless thing I will have the honor of doing. It is immensely rewarding and rich. Regardless, it is hard. It is demanding. It is wearing.

So yes, it is an okay proclamation with a smidgen of boasting that I, after gaining just over 50 pounds with each pregnancy, once again fit in my tried and true Gap Long and Lean jeans in the same size I have worn since High School. So there, I said it. It’s a start, since there still is, err.. some excess above the waistline, but give that time and some serious crunches, and that will someday (finger’s crossed) go away too. I think I owe myself some chocolate.

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