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Introspection

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I noticed the other day that in the sidebar all 12 months of the year are represented in Archives. In order. January through December. In a few weeks I will have been writing on this blog for a year. Kinda crazy to think about. Crazy to think about what I should do to celebrate. Happy Birthday blog? Araiya would get a kick out of that, she would likely want a Birthday Cake.

In all honesty, posting here has been a bit of a chore. I do enjoy it, but too often I feel uninspired to post, like all I have to say over and over is ‘hey, we haven’t done anything cool, I don’t have anything cool to say, but my kids are cool.’ This blog has really been a tool to keep me accountable to not wasting the time I have to enjoy these kids where they are at right now, to inspire myself to inspire them with the wonders and enjoyment life offers. That is the optimistic answer. There is also the reality and pessimism that sneaks into the idealistic vision. After Tallis was born, the views of this blog when down, down down down with each sequential month. It made me realize I am not continuing to do this to garner attention or write posts to attract a higher number of hits than the last. No, this project has to be more introspective than that. It was at the low that I decided this space should be more important to ME.

Then I revamped the site. Then something crazy happened. I started getting more views. People I know found my blog and I found their’s. I started getting comments. Then I had a decently consistent number of views (because, yes, I do watch that, just ‘cuz). Now, in the last three days in a row, there have been almost triple the number of views per day as the consistent average over the last month since the redesign. What do I think of that? I am not really sure. It could mean other people relate. I could perhaps be interesting. It could be a fluke. I do know it means there are people out there. HELLO.

The fact still remains that I am blogging to keep a personal journaling record of my kids growing up, that has not changed. However, my curiosity is piqued a bit. I can’t help but worry, what do people think of me? That is a stupid question, because it really doesn’t matter. Well, it only matters because my life, my kids, our little adventures- those are all personal. I hold them protectively close, I of course don’t want people to think negative things. There is that pessimism again. All in all, it kinda spurs me on. Encourages me to finish the year well. To set new goals for the coming year. To continue to seek betterment. To perhaps do something new. We shall see.

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