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Dissed Figure

I’ll admit I can be an impatient person. Many times, I would rather just skip to the end, arrive at the destination, get where I am going. Yet I very keenly know and simultaneously revel in the process. But just because I KNOW things doesn’t mean I always readily accept them. I KNOW Pregnancy is a time of transition and some very major body changes. I KNOW you can’t expect your body to immediately return to the way it was before pregnancy. I KNOW there are just some aspects of your body which may have changed forever, such as the way fat is redistributed body, the size of your feet, or the texture of your hair. In my HEAD, I can think and say I accept them, but sometimes it takes a simple low-blow to shoot down your vanity. Or whatever semblance of vanity one might have left 7 months post-partum. 

Like, take for instance, buying a dress. Not just any dress, but a very specific dress. A dress that must be worn in order to conform to allocated standards and aesthetics of a certain oldest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world’s wedding. That’s right- the dreaded Wear it Only Once Bridesmaid Dress Purchase. The only wedding I have ever been in was my own. Even in comparison, that dress purchase was far easier (I bought my wedding dress on E-bay, it laced up the back so I never had to deal with alterations). Now, when it comes down to actually making the order for this dress (a very pretty one, I might add, with no Butt-Bows), which I am already down to the wire doing, my presumed standard of normal sizing has just been blown out of the water. I glanced over the sizing chart many months ago, noted the numbers all fell within my notion of my own normal size and measurements. Heck, I even gave myself some grace, KNOWING this wedding falls prior to Pia’s first Birthday, and decided it would be wise to order this dress in a 10. Then, after talking with the Bridal Salon a few times yesterday and giving them my size (a 10), I thought it would be the wisest and most prudent thing to do and measure myself, just to be sure I don’t screw it up. So I did. I was surprised.

My Bust and Hips actually fall a size LOWER than I planned to order, an 8, which is my typical normal size. Pre-Araiya I would have been more like a 6, not that the numbers really matter or I have some unrealistic longing for the good-old-days and still hanging onto the frail hope SOMEDAY I will fit back into those Jeans from High School.

bridalchart1

But then came the massive ego buster. My current waist measurement, being a little bit generous just to ensure the dress isn’t skin tight around the middle, didn’t fall anywhere within the realm of the dress size I was about to order. Nope, not a 10, Not even a 12. FOUR whole sizes BIGGER than the corresponding measurements for my bust and hips. FOUR. Ouch.

bridalchart2

My initial reaction was, a.) @*#&$ @#*$!, b.) I have no waist, and c.) am I really that disfigured?!?!
Then I laughed at my frustration, still a little sore inside, and went and ate a chocolate chip cookie.
My poor husband, so sympathetic and kind, didn’t get my frustration until I showed him the above size charts. I think he was a bit flabbergasted as well. Guess I have never been that aware of my own reactionary vanity and that I am subject to feeling it’s sting until now. My health, physical aptitude and strength I have completely taken for granted. My own perception of self was deceptively telling me I’m not that bad. Pregnancy, Childbirth and the time afterwards has been the biggest detriment proving to be a much harder obstacle to overcome than I originally perceived. I desire to be content and secure in my body image, honestly I don’t overly dwell, even now, on that. However the bigger issue at work is feeling I really need to be far more serious in DOING something about it. This is the first pressing reason and absolutely obvious measure which has come up, which all in all is sad that it might take something so surface, so externally vain like this to force me into real action and follow through. Admittedly, I am a bit embarrassed posting all of this here, but need to be real and transparent with solid numbers and sizes rather than general and evasive.

So today, the first thing I did when got on the computer this afternoon is select a pair of running shoes from Amazon to purchase. Then decided I am going ahead and buying the 10. Otherwise, I will spend hundreds taking 5+ inches and ruin the line of the dress completely if I attempt to have it altered. Is that going to be a mistake? Gosh, I sure hope not. I figure I can take off at least 2-3 inches easy doing basic sit-ups, core strength isometrics, and basic aerobics. If I don’t get there, well I guess I will just have buy a darn good corset, for these very reasons, and hope I don’t pass out during the wedding.

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