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Reflecting on Time & Thinking

I’ve been Thinking for the past several weeks. Obviously, I mean thinking more than usual, more than actually doing, which is evident that my last post was almost three weeks ago.

That’s right, I’m a thinker.  Often I think I’m doing, but really, I’m just thinking. I’m doing “imaginatively”.

So, I started thinking about but what our family should be doing this summer, and then I began to think about what I was doing to get us to do something, and then I realized I needed to do more to get us to do something.  You see the problem with Thinkers?

More detail:

I’m a Prolific Planner who takes on too much and Deliberative Executor who takes time to assure proper and effective results.  The beginning of this month started with me thinking to figure out how to better budget and disperse money for our food groceries. It took the immediate need of a grocery shop and an insistent wife to get me to sit down with her to come up with a plan that we could work together on.  I realized through this, that my flesh desires to curl up with a pen and paper (the most direct path for a thought, though the keyboard is becoming a close second) to come up with a polished plan and present it to Natalie, foolishly expecting some sort of praise and recognition of my falsely gigantic brain and skill.  So, at the beginning of the month, I was shown that there is something better for me: namely thinking with my wife! Through some very gracious and candid friends, both Natalie and I have been continuously confronted with how defensive and prideful we often are with each other, and that has been constantly on my mind, trying to see that wickedness creep up between us in myself.  I’m seeing now that alot that prideful-ness comes out of an individualism and desire for a self-voice, essentially to domineer (in this case) over Natalie.  How foolish!  God’s given me something much better!

Another mind to think with, a voice to hear from and a body to labor with. [More on this in another later post.]

FYI. The food grocery budgeting and scaling plan came out very good, though there has been some lax in execution, as crazy life with 3 kids and a dad without a conventional steady job often presents. I will lay that out in another post as well.

My subsequent thinking continued to be solitary anyway, as I became busy with obtaining some new work and struggling to spend some hours already contracted for. As the flesh goes, so the mind goes also; maybe…

In my tasks and between them my thoughts were often set on what I should plan for a vacation for us.  It needs to be uber low-budget, in the outdoors, Natalie and I need a weekend away… etc.  So, I realize I’ve already made a lot of assumptions without talking to the family, so its time to communicate! In my first post I mentioned that communication is a big hurdle, and is the primary hurdle to one-ness for Natalie and I.  So, I gave Natalie a bit of a mind dump on vacation and retreat ideas, and got bombed out with “We don’t need to plan some big getaway.”  Well, okay, we still have some talking to do before making any plans but, Natalie confirmed, some of our best trips have been nearly impromptu and very simple.  As such, constant communication and subsequent action is necessary. constant COMMUNICATION and subsequent ACTION.  The Adamic Man in me says “this is impossible” because I can’t act and listen/speak at the same time–mainly because I need to think, and I can’t think when I’m listening/speaking; right? The piece that I so desperately lack is a stronger desire to LISTEN/SPEAK. I [thought I] got the THINKING part down, and the DOING part hasn’t worked out too well. So, I must submit myself to a miracle of Grace, and as I have tasted, a drop of Joy in being as intended: in constant fellowship, doing the work while worshiping in thought and word.

All that said, back to thinking, speaking and doing.

[everyone is awake now, but I have to leave for work...hmm]


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