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Pia’s One

Pia has turned ONE!
Such a mix of excitement, celebration and joy tinged with a bit of sadness, nostalgia and endings. I can’t believe a whole year ago, we were wrapped up in the utter turmoil of whether or not to proceed with a scheduled C-section. Even sitting in the hospital bed awaiting surgery, listing to the rhythmic beeping and mechanical functions of the fetal monitor projecting the echos of her heartbeat, we were still mulling in doubt if this was indeed the right decision.

Newborn Pia

Newborn Pia Newborn Pia

We stopped for Coffee on our way to the hospital that morning at our usual neighborhood spot, Tougo Coffee. It was surreal to be there, to talk with the Barista and say, well, we’re having a baby today, and be so nonchalant about it. No hard breathing, no fretting, no labor. We were just out getting coffee. It all seemed so wrong. But God is sovereign, he leads gently and we get to trust in that. He didn’t have to, but that day he reassured us with many good situations, completely reinforcing His hand in our lives at that moment. Our surgical nurse happened to be a Christian- she prayed with us before heading into surgery then played a CD of some Hymns she had recorded of herself playing the Cello. Then our Post-Partum nurse in Recovery was also a Christian. Not to mention the entire story of her conception is, in a way, quite miraculous.

Newborn Pia

Newborn Pia

But then she was here, and the unbelievable, overflowing joy of new life and a new little baby overshadowed any doubts and struggles I had been in before. Life went on as we launched into having 3.

Newborn Pia Newborn Pia Newborn Pia

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I can’t believe how much she has changed in a year. That it has even been a year. A whole year. It’s hard to not always envision her as my baby. Is that how it will always go with the youngest? Perhaps I am having a harder time than I thought I would grappling with the fact my baby is quickly growing out of being a baby. She is the easiest out of the three, her name is so telling of her personality. It’s hard to believe I no longer get to rock a sweet little baby down to sleep, those intimate little moments are now gone forever. It is far easier now, lying her down in her crib, waving night-night, and walking out. These kids’ independence is far easier on me. But there is a bit of longing for what was, for the utter dependence of this soft little infant, who now will forever be in my memory of what a baby is like. But even Pia, our last child, I have a harder and harder time recalling what exactly that was like, and even harder time recalling what the other two were like. The experience of that time are slowly fading, becoming compressed and reorganized from a daily occurrence to an idealized distant memory. She is turning the corner into Toddlerhood. She even started walking this week. Yet, I have these images, frozen snapshots of a different time and a different place in life, to reflect to me the light, the emotion, the place of what was.

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Happy Birthday, my sweet Pia. It’s been a joy to celebrate how far you’ve come and I embrace with utter excitement all that will come for you.

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